I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
