Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
