girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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