I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
