I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
