I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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