Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
