I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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