What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
