I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
