mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
