she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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