so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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