I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
