I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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