so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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