So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
