well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
