2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
