Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
