the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
