hotel room ftw
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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