He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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