I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
