so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
