I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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