I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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