My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
