Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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