wanna go halves on a baby?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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