So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
