you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
