I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
