Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
