dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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