Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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