The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
