You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
