I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
