Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
