it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
