drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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