there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just invented taco cereal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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