i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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