she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
