he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didn't notice because vodka
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
