one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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