I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
