Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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