Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
